28 days of Commander Sharilin Shepard
by SharilinAlenko
Summary: Short drabbles about past, present and future of Commander Sharilin Shepard. They can be read in any order. Following the Tumblr "28 days of Commander Shepard" challenge. (Warning: it's Shenko!) DLCs spoilers free!
1. Forget my Name

_**This is the first time I try something like that. I always wanted to write about my Shepard's past but I never had the chance. Now I finally found a good excuse to do it! :)**_

_**I want to thank my lovely beta-tester **_**shenkodrabbles**_** from Tumblr for her precious help and support.**_

_**Reviews are always more than welcome! :D**_

* * *

**1 / Forget my Name**

_What is Shepard's first and middle name? Are they important or meaningful names? How do they feel about their name?_

* * *

"PAPAAAAAAA!"

The childish voice resonates all over the house, and immediately her father rushes over to its source.

"Hey sunshine, what's happened?"

"Papa, I had a nightmare. I am so scared!" the little girl sobs.

"Was the pyjak trying to eat your doll again?"

"Yes! He was running after us all around our backyard!"

The young man gives a hearty laugh, sitting at his daughter's side "Come on, you're 4 years old now, you're a lady! You shouldn't be scared by such silly animals that don't even exist on our planet!"

"But papa, that Krogan on the TV said they're terrible and dangerous!" she insists while the tears don't stop soaking her full rosy cheeks.

He shakes his red head, defeated – he can't stand seeing his precious child crying.

"Let's make a deal!" he runs his arms behind the baby, hugging her "If you promise me to calm down yourself right now, I'll tell you secret!"

She nods quietly weeping, her sky-blue eyes still moist.

"When mommy and I were waiting for you to arrive to come into our lives, we went on a trip to my family's homeland, Ireland. I wanted to visit the beautiful places where your grandpas grew up and show them to her. But during our flight there was an incident, and mommy got badly injured."

"Oh no!" the baby exclaims, her chubby hand covering her mouth.

"At the hospital the doctors were concerned about her because she had been exposed to a new kind of toxic material, and that could have affected you, my love."

"Because I was in mommy's belly, right?"

"Exactly. Papa was so worried for his two princesses!" he sighs and sinks his nose in her strawberry scented curly hair.

"No papa, it's ok. We're here, don't be sad!" she brushes his hand curling into his embrace.

She's always so sweet that his father can't help but smile "I know lovely! But then, one day while I was waiting outside mommy's room, as the doctor was checking up on you, an old kind woman approached me. Noticing my expression full of fear, she told me to have faith in you because Irish women are all tireless fighter, and you'd be no less so."

"Ooooooh!"

"Her words made me remember an old Celtic tale my grandma used to tell me since I was a little child like you."

"Celtic?" she asks curious.

"The Celts were strong and fierce people, the original inhabitants of Ireland, a long time ago."

"And are we Celtic too, papa?"

"Yes my dear, as you can see from our mahogany hair and our pale skin!"

"Awww this is so cool!"

He chuckles "Indeed! But, well, coming back to grandma's tale… Once upon a time there was a young beautiful lady, with long curly hair, as red as fire. She led her tribe through a hard battle against another clan who wanted to subdue them. She was a charismatic leader, a powerful warrior and also a very beautiful woman. Thanks to her braveness and her wisdom, even though they were in inferiority, her people won the war, and lived happily ever and after. She was such an extraordinary human being, that Irishmen kept writing stories, composing songs and painting arts about her over the centuries."

"Awwww that's amazing!" the child claps her hands excited.

"Then, when I was finally able to come back into mommy's room and I found her asleep, I prayed to the Celtic heroine, asking her to watch over you, to gift to you her energy. And she did! You were born healthy, beautiful and strong!"

"Really papa? Did she protect me?"

"Yes baby, and she's still keeping an eye on you, to be sure her gift is not wasted! Moreover… do you want to know what was that lady's name? Sharilin!"

"WHOAAAAAAAAH! But this is my name!"

"Exactly honey. But shhhh!" he puts his finger in front of his lips "This is a secret between the two of us ok?"

The little girl imitates him, whispering "Shhhh! A secret only for Celtic people!"

"Indeed! However, do you think a brave Celtic heroine would be scared by a stupid pyjak?"

"Mhhh… No, I don't …" she shakes her head, disappointed.

"So come on baby, go back to sleep and don't fear the pyjaks!"

"Yes! And papa… I promise you, I will always employ lady Sharilin's gift for good."

"I know you will! I love you, my sunshine!"

"Love you too, papa…"

* * *

From that day Sharilin Shepard never dreamed pyjaks anymore (even if she still dislikes them a lot!), and she was always very proud of the glorious name his father chose for her, carrying on keeping the promise she made to him.


	2. All in the Family

**2 / All in the Family**

_Did Shepard have siblings? Parents? How was their relationship with family members?_

* * *

It's a sunny and warm Sunday in spring, and the chirping of the little sparrows outside the window cheers up Hannah Shepard while she's busy in her bedroom.

Her husband Nathan took their youngest daughter Michelle outside for an ice-cream, while their other girl Sharilin is probably hanging out with her fellows. So the woman is taking advantage of that quiet moment to clean their house.

As she dusts her own nightstand, her attention is caught by the brooch her mother gave to her years ago, well-guarded in an old frame. Then she decides to take a little break from her housework, she sits on her bed and with her fingertips she starts to brush through the glass the Alliance logo which is shining on the little jewel.

* * *

_Today is the most important day of her life for Hannah Burton: after fighting for months with her parents, she finally managed to convince them to allow her to enlist with the Alliance Navy._

_Since she was a child, she always felt a sense of belonging to her homeland, and a duty to serve and protect it. Moreover she wanted to travel through the space, to visit new planets, to meet new species. Becoming a Marine would mean doing each of those things, and much more._

_Unfortunately her father doesn't agree with her, because he wants her to take the reins of the family business together with her brother. But she hates chickens, she always did, and to think about spending the rest of her life dealing with them for work… _'NO WAY!'

_Thanks to her mother's help, at last he gave up and let her fulfill her wish. So she immediately bought a ticket to fly to New York to enlist with the military._

_Hannah can barely believe she finally left that damned small country town in Illinois, and that she's probably going to leave this planet soon, to start new amazing adventures! She's aware that a soldier's life isn't easy at all, but she's not scared, on the contrary she can't wait for her real life to begin!_

_The closer she gets to the Alliance Headquarters, the more her heartbeats fastener. She's walking a little too fast with her short heels, her elegant dress and her blonde hair gathered in a bun, but she can't help herself! That's why she doesn't notice that man who's running towards her, she doesn't even understand what happens when they bump violently into each other, both falling on the floor. The only thing that Hannah Burton sees are two big and warm green eyes, half covered by messy red curls, and she instantly forgets everything else in the whole universe._

* * *

Hannah smiles as she sets down the frame back on her nightstand. She always wanted to become a Marine, but when she met that handsome and cute Irish boy, she understood all at once that she could never be apart from him. So she never arrived to the Alliance Headquarters, and in three months she was married to him and they were leaving Earth to settle in the new human colony of Mindoir.

Part of her will always wonder about how her life could have been if she never met him, but she never regretted the choice she made.

She's very happy with Nathan, he's the most tender and lovely husband she could ever ask for… maybe a bit too clumsy, but she likes to take care of him.

And she's so in love with the two gorgeous girls they had! Michelle is an adorable kid, the exact copy of her father, including the thoughtlessness! And Sharilin…

'_Oh my dear!'_ Hannah frowns remembering the last of her pranks: she got a tattoo on her wrist! And not a simple one, but a black skull!

'_She's only fourteen, Jesus! She was such a sweet baby… why is she becoming such rebellious adolescent?' _she thinks, disappointed.

But deep inside her heart, she knows the answer to her question. She reads it every day in her daughter's eyes, as bright blue as hers: she wants a lot more than to live in a little colony of farmers, like Hannah did when she was younger. So she can't really blame her for that, but as a mother, her role is to educate her, and scold her when she does something wrong.

However, Sharilin is actually a kind, strong and brave girl, very caring with little Michelle, and always ready to help and protect other people… She just likes looking for new ways to anger her parents!

'_Let's hope this… 'insurgent period' will end soon! Who knows… maybe one day she'll follow the path I wanted for myself… Yes, she would be a great… an extraordinary Marine!'_


	3. Starchild

_**My baby Sharilin is my canon Shepard, but I have also a Talimancer Sheploo that I love to bits. So I decided to headcanon that they both lived on Mindoir, and they were friend since they were kids. I already wrote a fic, "Childhood", about it.**_

_**But while I was writing that fic, this Sheploo ended being different by the John I use to play in the game, especially his sexual orientation eheheh! ;D**_

_**Anyway I love him very much too, that's why I am very happy to have the chance to write about him again!**_

_**I hope you liked this drabble! Drop a review if you want, thank you! :D**_

* * *

**3 / Starchild**

_How was Shep's childhood? Friends, schooling - did they like where they grew up?_

* * *

The first thing that John Sheploo remembers about Sharilin Shepard is a lily.

His family had moved to the human colony of Mindoir when he was 3 years old. He doesn't have many memories of that period because he was too young, but the first meeting with the girl who changed his life... he would never forget it.

He was playing in the backyard of their new house, when he heard the doorbell ringing. Curious, he decided to go back inside, but he was still having troubles with stairs because of his short and fragile childish legs, so he stumbled, scratching his knee.

He started to cry, calling out loudly to his mother, but the only voice he heard was an unknown female one "What happened baby?"

John opened his eyes, and in front of him there were a little girl, more or less his same age, with long mahogany hair tied in two braids and shining sky-blue eyes that were staring at him awkwardly.

"I... I have a owie!" he answered to her between sob pointing to his leg.

"Oh come on! There's nothing on your knee!"

"Yes, there is! I have a boo-boo!" he kept weeping.

"Stop! You're a boy, and boys don't cry! So STOP!" her tone was so firm that he stood still looking at her amazed.

"But…"

"No 'but'! I said STOP!"

"Who are you?" he finally asked her, still shocked by her behavior.

"I live in there" she pointed the house alongside of his "Mommy wanted to welcome your family, so I came here with her. We are neighbors!"

"Neiboos?"

"NEIGHBORS! Come on, your papa said you're 3 years and a half old, is that possible you can't speak well yet?" she corrected him with arrogance, but noticing that he was going to start crying again she bent down searching something in the basket she was carrying with her.

"Here, this is for you!" she handled to him a wonderful white flower "But please, get up on your feet again!"

John obeyed, and as soon as he was standing again, he immediately grabbed its stalk "What is this?"

"It's a lily. It grows only on Earth. Grandma sent some seeds to my mommy and we planted them. It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah!" he answered delighted.

"I love them! I can give to you others if you want… Just promise me to not cry again ok?" for the first time the girl smiled to him, a smile so warm and sweet that melted his little heart.

"I'm John, what is your name?"

"Nice to meet you Johnny! I am Sharilin!"

"Lily?"

"No, Sharilin!"

"Lilin?"

"NOOOO! S-H-A-R-I-L-I-N!"

"L-A-I-L-Y! Laily with a lily!"

At his last affirmation, she gave up bursting into laughter "I like you Johnny, let's be friends!"

And this is what really happened. From that day they grow up together: Sharilin was more smart and brave and she taught to John to be strong and confident, while he was more calm and wise and he always did his best to support her, to protect her. Their friendship involved even their parents, and they became pretty much one big family.

At school they were quite popular, and they had a lot of friends, but no matter what happened in their fellowship, the two of them were always inseparable. So much that mostly of their mates were sure they were a couple, or something. But that wasn't true: they were always like brother and sister, their bond stronger than ever.

As they reached the puberty, Sharilin started to date different boys, while John soon discovered he shared with her the same kind of preferences in his love interests… But damn he had way too better taste than her! The naughtier the boy was, the more she liked him. And every time she got bored of him, or he left her, John was always there to comfort her. Not that she ever got really hurt, she kept telling him that she enjoyed dating boys for fun but she didn't need to fall in love, because she had already him in her life.

They liked growing up in that little country colony, and their childhood was happy and careless. But every time they talked about their future, they both agreed they wanted to leave Mindoir to travel around the galaxy, doing great things together.

But unfortunately fate had other plans for them.

Now that they are adults, and they are separated by miles and miles of outer space, even if they are keeping to get in touch with each other, John is worried about her, alone somewhere in the galaxy, fighting against terrible enemies.

Because no matter how many medals she has now on her chest, no matter how many titles she earned… for him she will be always that resolved but cute little girl who gave him a beautiful lily and her precious friendship.


	4. My Bad Reputation

**4 / My Bad Reputation**

_Is Shepard a War Hero, Sole Survivor, or Ruthless type? How does it affect them?_

* * *

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! COME HERE! I FOUND ANOTHER ONE!"

"Oh my God! She's still alive!"

'_Yeah… I… am… alive…'_

"How is that possible? The Thrasher Maws devastated all the place!"

'_Yes… they… did…'_

"She needs medical attention, NOW! Call the doctor immediately!"

"Wait… I know her! She's Lieutenant Shepard!"

'_Yes… That… is… my… name…'_

"Shepard… THAT Shepard? Really?"

"The survivor of the massacre of Mindoir?!"

'_Mindoir… my… home…'_

"Commander Burrows, the doctor is here!"

"Hold on Shepard, we're going to rescue now. You're a hell of a though woman, soldier!"

'_Yeah… I… am… a survivor…'_

* * *

"_I HATE MY PARENTS!" Sharilin yells, her voice echoing through the silence of the early morning._

"_I know Laily, this is the nineteenth time you've said it…" her friend John replies sighing as he keeps driving his motorbike on the desert road._

_There was the most amazing clandestine rave party of the year outside their colony, and they missed it because Sharilin's parent hadn't given her permission to go. So they had to sneak off covertly but it had taken them so much time that they got to the place, the party was already over. She was so pissed that she didn't want to go home, and they stayed there, wandering around with no purpose._

_Now, with the sun rising on the horizon, they're coming finally back._

"_Wait… Johnny… There's something strange in here…" Sharilin murmurs, hugging him tighter seated behind him "Look…"_

_She's right: the further they go into the heart of the colony, the more there's mess all around the streets. The car are destroyed, the dumpsters are upside down, clouds of smoke and smell of burning arrive from the houses. The awful show is oddly permeated by an unusual silence._

"_Johnny… Something happened… Oh God!" they just arrived in their road, and they immediately see their homes on fire "JOHNNY! HURRY!"_

_The boy presses desperately the accelerator, and as soon as they get near, Sharilin jumps off the motorbike without even waiting for it to stop._

"_PAPA! MOM! MICHELLE!" she yells as she rushes toward the main door._

_John is going to look for his own parents, but he notices two shadows moving towards them, and scared, he runs after his friend. She's moving very quickly, but thankfully he's faster than her, and he manages to reach and to pull her down on the grass just a few second before a shoot could hit her._

"_Did you see? I was right, there were someone else still in there! I heard the sound of a vehicle!" a guttural voice comes from behind the two friends._

"_Yeah, let's see if we can use them or not!"_

_A strong hand grabs John's shoulder, forcing him to get up. When the boy finally faces their muggers, he sees they're Batarians._

'Oh shit!' _he thinks, because he knows that those cruel aliens used to raid planets looking for slaves, so if they're there, that means that their parents have been captured or killed._

"_Let my friend go!" Sharilin growls against the two criminals, getting up on her feet._

"_Wait… Is she really giving us orders?" they chuckle shameless._

"_I said… let my friend go!" she repeats, her face a mask of rage and pain, her sky-blue eyes dull, her brows tense. "LET HIM GO!" her biotics starts to showing up enveloping her._

"_Damn, she's a fucking biotic. What a pity, she's useless…" one of the Batarian states._

"_Yeah, useless like her family. Let's kill her too!"_

_Listening their words, John feels his stomach twists _'No… I have to defend her!'

"_My… My family? What did you do to my family? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FAMILY?!" Sharilin hurls herself toward the one who's holding him, her right hand closed in a glowing fist. _

_The blast of biotic power explodes directly in the face of the slaver, a terrific noise of broken bones anticipates his painful screams. He leaves his grip on the boy as the punch shoves him away from them._

_John understands that this would be the only occasion they'll have to escape "SHARILIN! RUN!"_

_But she ignores him, the corona of her biotics sparkling wildly as she moves towards their persecutor now her victim._

"_SHARILIN! NO!" he grabs her arm and urges her to follow him into the wood backward their houses "RUN!"_

"_NO! JOHN! LET ME GO!" she looks completely out of control "MY FAMILY…"_

"_YOUR FAMILY WOULD NEVER WANT YOU TO GET KILLED!" his affirmation muld have hit her right into her heart, because she stops fighting him, allowing him to drag her away "RUN SHARILIN!"_

_One shot brushes by John's temple scratching him: the Batarians are now firing against them "Damn! Laily, let's go to our secret place, they will never find us there!" he whispers to his friend, who nods to him while they gain speed._

_Another explosion echoes in the air, and the shoot strikes into Sharilin's left arm "OUCH!"_

"_SHIT, LAILY!" John slows down to look at her wound but she spurs him to carry on "I… I'm… fine…" she mutters grinding her teeth._

_They run through the trees, the vegetation getting thicker and deeper, the path more and more arduous. The continue until they reach a hidden clearing at the top of the hill. There are no more noises, just the sound of their steps and their heavy breaths._

_John's head is spinning around, his injury should be worse than he thought. He turns to look to Sharilin, to make sure she's ok, but there's only dark around him: he faints on the ground helpless._

"_Boy! Hey boy! Open your eyes!"_

_John wakes up surrounded by unknown faces "Wh…" his throat burns._

"_It's ok, you're safe now. We're Alliance, the Batarians are gone!"_

"_La… Laily!"_

"_Your friend? She's ok. She saved your life!"_

_The soldier tells him how she patched up his bleeding head, then she picked up him on her shoulders, even if she was also injured, and carried him back in the colony as she heard the signal of the rescuers._

_After a while John manages to glimpse Sharilin: she's seated not far away from him, two marines speaking to her._

"_I know it's hard, girl. But you're lucky, you survived…"_

"_I survived? Yes… But at what cost?" she answers, her tone low and as cold as ice "The last thing I said to my parents was that I hated them. And now they're dead. I'll never have the chance to apologize to them. I'll never have the chance to tell them that I love them. But yes, I survived…" her voice is full of despair "Yeah, I am a survivor…"_

* * *

"… rd! Lieutenant Shepard! Open your eyes! You're safe now!"

"Where… where am I?"

"You're aboard the SVV Forbes. We just left Akuze."

"Akuze… Yes… What…?"

"Your team has been attacked by some Thresher Maws. I'm… I'm sorry Lieutenant, you're the only survivor."

'_Yeah… I am a survivor…'_


	5. What If…

**5 / What If…**

_If Shep wasn't a soldier, what would they have been? What did they want to be as a child?_

* * *

"Johnny... Hey Johnny! Come on, talk to me!" Sharilin pokes her friend but no words come from his mouth.

They're in their secret clearance on the top of the hill that overlooks their neighborhood, sitting on the soft green grass speckled by small, white springy flowers.

John is curled up with his head on his knees, his arms holding his legs tight to his chest. His eyes are moist, like he is trying to hold back his tears as he worries his bottom lip with his teeth.

"Hey... what happened?" the girl brushes slightly his shoulder "Please Johnny..."

At last, in a shuddering breath he speaks "They... they're doing that AGAIN."

"They? Do you mean your parents? Are they arguing once again?"

He just nods, his sight locked on the tree in front of him.

"I am sorry Johhny..."

"I can't stand them anymore. Mom crying, dad yelling. I want to get away from them."

"And where will we go Johnny? We're only 7 years old!"

"We?" the astonishment induces him to look finally at her "What do you..."

"Indeed. You don't think I would ever leave you alone, don't you?"

"Really, Laily? Won't you...?

"Of course. You are my best friend, you're my ally, you're my brother. I'll always be with you!" she smiles so sweetly to him that John senses his throat and his eyes burning for the effort to keep himself calm.

Sharilin notices that, so she gets near him, her hand brushing careful his arm "You know, I said you more than once that boys don't cry, but this isn't the truth. They can do it sometimes, if it helps them to feel better..."

She embraces him and he bursts into tears, his head buried in the crook of her neck "I am so scared… They never explain anything to me! What if they divorce? What will happen to me? What will I do? Where will I go? I don't want to suffer so much… I… I…" he doesn't even know what he's saying anymore.

The girl caresses lovingly his short dark hair, listening to his frantic sobs. After a while she takes a deep breath and starts to sing:

- Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around  
Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around.

Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays  
I'll send 'em howling  
I don't care, I got ways.

No one's gonna hurt you  
No one's gonna dare.

Others can desert you  
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there.

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while  
But in time...

Nothing can harm you  
Not while I'm around...

Being close and being clever  
Ain't like being true  
I don't need to  
I would never hide a thing from you  
Like some...

No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare  
Others can desert you  
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!  
Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while  
But in time...

Nothing can harm you  
Not while I'm around... -

When the song finishes, Sharilin notices that John stopped to cry and he's now staring at her agape "What… what was that?"

"Papa usually sings this to me when I feel down. He's a great singer!"

"But… but… your voice…"

"Mommy told me I inherit it from him..."

"Why didn't you ever say to me you can sing like an angel, Laily?"

"D'awww…" she blushes embarrassed "Because I am… ashamed!"

"You don't have to! You're wonderful, charming… AMAZING! All the people in the galaxy should listen to your lovely voice!" he asserts, all his problems forgotten.

* * *

This new purpose becomes John's main goal to achieve.

He starts to study music very hardly, and it helps him to bear his difficult family situation: every time his parents starts to quarrel, he rushes into his bedroom, closes the door, wears his headphones and gets lost in that awesome magic world, made by sounds and words.

He learns to play several instruments, especially the guitar, while Sharilin prefers the piano as she improves her singing skills.

When they go to high school they found their personal rock band and they become quite renowned in the indie ambient.

John is more than sure that they'll become the most famous and acclaimed duo in the history of the music all over the galaxy…

And he would be probably right, if only things would end up in another way.

* * *

**_NOTE: The song is "_Not while I'm around_" from the Musical "_Sweeney Todd_"_**


	6. Keep it Classy

**6 / Keep it Classy**

_What class is Shepard? Did their class evolve over the course of the games?_

* * *

The room is small, cold and uncomfortable, with nothing on the walls, not even a window, just the rectangular grid of the air duct nearby the ceiling.

Sharilin Shepard is nestled sitting on the folding bed, her chin resting on her knees. She had been forced into the clinic, specializing in treating human biotics, to get brain implants against her own will. She doesn't know how much time has passed since she has been left there alone... minutes, hours, days?

Damn, since the first time they showed up, she was always careful to hide her powers from everybody! The only people who know about them are her parents and her friend John. And now her family is gone... She grinds her teeth to hold back the wave of sorrow this idea brings to her.

Six months has passed since the tragedy on Mindoir. Sharilin and John were living in an orphanage on the Gagarin Station, waiting to be transferred to another one on Earth. That is, since the… 'incident' happened.

While she's lost in her thoughts, suddenly she starts to feel a strange sensation. Strange and unknown, but not unpleasant, not at all. It's a sort of tickle that gives her goosebumps and makes the hair raise all over her skin. The further it gets, the more she senses her biotics fighting to be released out of her control.

She's completely overwhelmed and somehow delighted by this feeling, increased by her burning powers, when the sound of a slamming door comes from behind her and distracts her.

"What?" she instinctively turns to look towards its source, but there are only the grey wall. Another noise, this time it's something trailed on the floor... maybe a chair?

Sharilin's sight wanders all around her, since her attention is caught by the grid above her head.

'_Does that opening adjoin this room with another one?'_ she asks herself, and soon a faint cough seems to confirm her theory.

She decides to collect all her courage and begins to speak "HEY? Is someone in there?" but she receives no answer.

"Come on, I can hear you. Talk to me, please!" only silence from the other side.

"Please, I am all alone in here. Are you there?" she almost begs.

"Y… Yes…" an husky male voice finally replies, making Sharilin almost fall from the bed for the surprise.

"H… Hi! Who… who are you?" she asks, her face addressed to the air duct.

"I… I am… me…?" his tone is unsure, like he's thinking he shouldn't talk to her.

"Mh… ok… 'You'…" she holds back a giggle "Are you a biotic?"

"Yes, I am."

"Wow, my first time meeting another biotic! Oh well, not precisely 'meet', but… anyway… I am a biotic too…"

"I know…" he asserts quiet.

"Do you? How…?"

"As you knew about me. Our powers reacted to each other's."

"Oh, was that it? Our powers interacting?" Sharilin's feeling awkward asking those questions of a stranger, but she can't help it, she's too curious at the moment.

"Indeed."

"And is it always so… intense and… well…"

"Pleasant?" as soon as he completes her line, he coughs again embarrassed "Well, honestly… no. That was pretty amazing."

"Yes, it was… However, why are you there, 'You'?" she inquires, but he doesn't answer, then she continues "I am here to get brain implants…"

"How old are you?" this time he is the one who asks a question.

"I'm almost seventeen…"

"Seventeen… You're quite old to get implants. Why didn't you get them before?"

"Because where I was born, no one knew anything about biotics, so I used to hide my powers. I still remember my parent's faces when I incidentally broke a glass just staring at it…" she chuckles, but immediately she remembers that she will never see them again and she gives a low painful moan.

"What happened?" a little bit of concern animates the unknown voice.

"I…" she clears her throat "Nothing…"

"So why did you change your mind and decided to get the implants?"

"I didn't change my mind… I just…" she sighs "I lost all my family, and I've been brought in the orphanage on this station…"

"Oh damn… I… I am sorry…"

"Thank you… I was hiding my powers also in there, but last week I snapped in front of some bullies who were mistreating my friend, and I hurt them with my powers. So the staff contacted the Alliance and… today? Yesterday? I don't remember when… Anyway an officer arrived at the orphanage and took me there to get the implants. I tried to oppose, but no one wanted to listen to me!"

"Don't you want the implants? Why not?"

"Because I am afraid!" she almost yells "They keep talking about me enlisting in the military, that my biotics are a precious gift that should not be wasted… I feel like a puppet, not a human being. Shouldn't I be allowed to choose my own path? What if I don't want to become a soldier?"

The person on the other side of the wall takes a deep breath "I know exactly how you feel… I really do. But getting implants would be a good thing for you, because they'll help you to control your powers. Plus, the new L3 one are pretty good. You shouldn't be worried at all!"

"L3? What are you talking about?"

"The brain implants that are now being used for all the human biotics. Our scientist took advantage of Asari technology to develop the L3s, so they are consistently stable and are safe from dangerous side effects."

"Are you a scientist too?"

"Oh no, I'm not. I'm just a tech lover!"

"I am sorry, I'm not accustomed to such geeky themes. I am just a country girl…" she admits a little embarrassed "So, do you have those L3 implants?"

"No, unfortunately not. I'm an L2."

"L2?" she asks, ashamed of herself because she doesn't know anything!

"Yes, the previous kind of brain implants. Now they're not used anymore."

"That means that you must be quite old...? No wait! Sorry! I didn't..."

For the first time the stranger chuckles, and the air gets caught in Sharilin's throat: his voice is intense, warm... and so damn sexy!

"Not that much! I'm just a couple of years older than you..." he corrects her, and her heart skips a beat noticing that he's finally relaxing, becoming more friendly "But somehow you're right, I feel very old..."

"No, definitely you're not. Your beautiful voice is juvenile and... Oh damn! I mean..." she bites her bottom lip _'What the hell am I doing?! Shit!'_

"Beautiful voice, huh?" he giggles "Thank you. I like yours too."

Thankfully he can't look at her, because her face is as red as her hair for the embarrassment and the emotion "Awww... T... Thanks... But... Oh, I'm so sorry! My mom was right, I talk way too much!"

"Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. I wish I could be as extroverted as you, so that my life would probably be different..." he sighs gloomy.

"But speaking without thinking about it isn't always a good thing. Mom was absolutely right, I have to learn to become more reserved. And maybe she was right even about the rest..."

"The rest?"

"Yeah." Talking about her hurts so much, but Sharilin has to do it, even if she doesn't understand why "She always wanted me to join the Navy. I never listened to her because I already had my personal plans about my future, but now they don't make sense anymore..." she misses singing, hell yes she does. But since her life had been destroyed by those Batarians, not a single note is now able to come out from her mouth.

"My dad wants it too. He joined the Alliance when he was very young and he can't believe I didn't follow him yet. But I don't know if I can do it..."

"Oh, why?" she's completely fascinated by this mysterious man, she wants to know more and more about him.

"Because I..." he pauses, as he needs some time to find the heart to continue "One year ago there was a... an incident, and it was all my fault."

"Like what happened to me?"

"In some ways yes, but... it was way worse. God, I don't even know why I'm telling you this!" his voice now a mere whisper "I... I killed a guy with my biotics. I didn't do it on purpose, but that doesn't change the fact that I took someone else's life."

Sharilin can understand his feelings exactly. She didn't kill those boys who were mistreating John at the orphanage, but she almost smashed the head of a Batarian with a biotic punch the day of the massacre at her colony. Even if he probably deserved to die, the guilt still pursues her.

"This is why I am here now" the stranger keeps confessing "I've been considered innocent because it was really an accident, but since that day I'm having a lot of troubles with my biotics. I am having specialist and psychological sessions to try to resolve my problems. But... the truth is that I am scared by my powers, I don't want to use them anymore. I am dangerous..."

"You're afraid you could lose control again, maybe hurt someone else." Sharilin states, speaking not for him but also for herself.

"Yeah... How am I supposed to join Alliance like this? I can't become a Marine."

"Become a Marine..." she repeats his words while her mother's voice comes back in her mind.

"Join the Navy means consecrate your life to the common good, to protect your people and to cooperate with the other species for the sake of the entire galaxy. Every man, every woman, every child count on you to build a brighter future, and you have to fight hard to achieve it. The Alliance soldiers are the vanguards of Humanity, the pride and the hope of our civilization..." she says in a breath "Or at least, that was what my mom always said to me. You know, I never took a moment to think about the real sense of all of that, I never minded. Now for the first time I'm realizing how munch important it is, and why we both fear that."

"Oh? Why?"

"Normal people uses to exalt the Marines like invincible and impeccable heroes, but they're not. They're just normal human beings, with their worries and their flaws, like you and me. Because it is that what we are: humans. I know you feel guilty, as I do, for what happened because of your biotics, but this doesn't make you evil, doesn't make you a killer. You are a good person, and also I am."

"Wow… You're a wise girl! Are you sure you're only seventeen?" his tone is frankly marveled.

"Yes I am! When you lose all your family, to nastily bump into realty makes you to grow up quickly I think…"

The unknown man inhales deeply "Yeah, I'm… I'm sorry. But… Thank you…"

"For what?"

"This was the first time I talked about my… my 'incident'. I never had the heart to do it. You listened to me without judging me. And you still think I am not a bad guy, even if you don't know me. That's… that's incredible. I didn't feel so happy in about months… maybe years. Thank you, with all my heart."

Some tears start to moisten in Sharilin's eyes "I… I just told you what I think. But, yeah… I feel the same. Chatting with you… It's like you lightened the heavy weight that is pressing my shoulders since my parents died. Thank you too…"

They stay silence for a moment, overcome by the emotions, their biotics dancing and tangling pleasantly together.

"To join the Alliance might not be a bad idea, after all" she speaks again as she manages to recompose herself "It could be the occasion to do some real good, even for messy people like us."

"And they really valuate biotics, most of everyone else…" he adds.

"Yeah… Maybe I should really follow this path. I owe at least that, to my mom…"

"Mh mh, me too… My dad would be finally proud of me."

Promptly Sharilin leaps up "Hey 'You'… Do you want make a deal with me?"

"I'm listening."

"I'll get my brain implants, and I'll spend the rest of my time in the orphanage before I'll get eighteen to get accustomed to them. At the same time you'll do your best to resolve all your issues and to find some peace and quiet. Then we'll meet again as Alliance soldiers!"

"Sounds like a plan! Deal!" he sniggers "Just one question… how will we able to recognize each other?"

Yeah… They talked almost like old friends, yet they don't even know how each other looked. And Sharilin wants to see him so badly… But the doors are locked, and there's no other way of escape…

"Wait… the air duct!" she almost yells, jumping with her feet on the bed.

She's now standing a few inches away from the grid, she just need a little push… She flexes the muscles of her toned legs and, taking the advantage of the springs of the mattress, she hops with her arms stretched over her head. Her hands grab the bars and she lifts herself to look out through the opening.

All of sudden her sky-blue eyes get lost into amber whiskey colored ones. It is just a few seconds, but for them the time seems to stop, both hanging up from the gap between their two rooms.

Unfortunately a noise coming from the hallway outside their doors distracts them, and they fall away from the grid, just in time to avoid being caught by the doctor who bursts into Sharilin's place: "It's time. Let's go."

* * *

The two biotics met only one time in that hospital, but that encounter was crucial for their lives. They never forgot the other, and their secret agreement.

Sharilin got her L3 implants, and worked hard to get used to her newly empowered biotics. Once she became eighteen years old, she enlisted immediately the military, standing all the test with the top scores. Soon she distinguished herself not only for her amazing powers, but even for her extraordinary physical skills, and she discovered a new passion for weapons, shoguns most of all. It was more than clear to her instructor that she was born to be an unstoppable almighty Vanguard, a deadly fighter especially (but not only) in close combat, and they were absolutely right!

The stranger also did his best to get hold of himself again, and turned out being a strong and loyal soldier, both his biotics and his tech abilities making him one of the most powerful Sentinel the Alliance ever had.

The time passed, and the memories about that important day slowly faded away. But Sharilin dreamt about those gorgeous brown eyes and that warm husky voice almost every night, looking for them in each man she met along her way. And their owner did the same thinking about her shining blue eyes and her sweet bright voice.

They were sure fate made them to meet in the moment they needed most because they were the only able to help each other, even the way their biotics interacted strengthened this idea. And no matter what happened to them, and the fact they never met again, their bound never had been broken.

That, until the fatal moment when Captain Anderson chose both of them to be part of his crew, by chance, for his new assignment on Eden Prime.

Many years had passed, many scars adorns their bodies, many painful occurrences hardened their characters, the look in their eyes, the tone of their voices, so that they aren't now able to recognize each other. But that doesn't prevent them to become friends, comrades, partners, lovers.

Will they ever realize who they really are?

Oh well… this will be another story!

* * *

**_NOTE:__ finally some Shenko! :D_**

**_This is my very personal secret headcanon, I never told about that to anybody._**

**_I always loved the idea of Shepard and Kaidan being linked by fate since the beginning of their lives. Two young biotics supporting and helping each other to beat their concerns about their powers and their future, and resolving together that being part of the Alliance would be the best for them._**

**_And when they finally met again, they're adult and mature, and then their love story can finally start. In my humble opinion, the whole thing makes their relationship even more fascinating, intense and so damn heartbreaking! ç.ç_**

**_I know I went a little off-topic, but I couldn't help myself! This is one of my most important headcanon! I really hope you'll like it anyway! And drop a review if you want, I'd really appreciate that! :)_**


	7. Chink in the Armour

**7 / Chink in the Armour**

_What colours does Shepard wear, and why? Are they a fan of heavy or light armour?_

* * *

"And this is Captain's cabin... YOUR cabin, Commander" the AI's voice resonates all over the huge loft in which Shepard has just stepped in.

"Thank you, EDI. Dismissed."

The woman puffs as she lets her sight wander around her. This is a real apartment, with a big soft bed, comfy couches, desks, a private bathroom, even display cases and fish tanks! The Illusive Man doesn't seem to care about wasting money… Is everything planned to make Shepard accept becoming a Cerberus operative, maybe even becoming a 'fan' of it? Yes, probably it is, but may she be damned if she will fall for that... NO WAY!

She approaches the glowing blue tanks, leaning her hand on the glossy glass. "Empty fish tanks... Empty, just like me..." she murmurs gloomily.

Almost two days has passed since her awakening in the Lazarus labs, and this is the first time she is alone, finally able to realize what really happened to her.

She died.

She has been fucking dead for two damned years.

Two years away from everything that matters for her: the Alliance, the Council, her colleagues, her friends…

Two years away from HIM.

God, she can't even think about his name at the moment, it hurts too much.

"Damn..." she breathes as she swallows hard, holding back her tears. She doesn't have time to waste with sentimentalism. She died, but she has been brought back to life to save the galaxy AGAIN. And he isn't with her, she is all alone in this now. This thought rips her heart into pieces, but she has to deal with it. And she has to work with these damned terrorists she used to fight with determination.

'_Cerberus... CERBERUS! FUCK!'_ she thinks while the sadness is being replaced by a terrible anger against her damned fate. "WHY!" she yells punching hard the wall next to her.

Suddenly a faint beep captures her attention, and she looks to the panel installed in the door of the wardrobe at her left. Without even realize what she's doing, she starts to tap on its holo-keyboard, finding out that it is a dashboard made to monitor and to customize her armor.

During this last two years a lot changed, especially in the armamentarium field. The new N7 armor she wore yesterday for the first time is pretty amazing: it is similar to the medium armor she was accustomed to use, but with an enhanced protection and a great boost to the shields, together with a very good freedom of movement and an amazing lightness.

'_How did Cerberus obtain a channel to the N7 stuff?'_ she asks herself shocked, while the menu of the panel shows her how to customize each piece with others available on sale in various shops around the galaxy.

'_Wait... I can even choose a dye to color it?'_

At the moment the armor is black with red and white strips on the right arm: the official colors of the N7 squads. But now it seems so wrong wearing them, because Shepard feels like she doesn't belong to the Alliance anymore: she is just the ghost of the woman she used to be.

* * *

"_This one is very pleased to see you again, Commander Shepard."_

"_Thank you, Delan" she answers to the Hanar as she steps into his shop at the Presidium "I am here to look for a new armor, mine got damaged during my last mission!"_

"_This one has just received a new assortment of material from the Kassa Fabrication, and he is sure you will find something interesting for both you and the other human is there with you."_

_Shepard turns to look at Kaidan who insisted to go with her to have shopping, making excuses that he also needs some new upgrades for his pistol. Though, she is more than sure that he just wanted to spend some time with her, and she can't help to be glad about that._

"_That's perfect Delan, show us what you've got!" she boosts the merchant._

_After a while there she is wearing a brand new Colossus armor. She stares to her own image reflected on the mirror as she tests all the joints in correspondence to her shoulders, her elbows, her wrists, …_

"_Mmmh this is quite good…" she says kneeling on the floor and then jumping on her spot "What do you think, Kaidan?"_

"_This medium armor is a good compromise between the agility of the light one and the protection of the heavy one. It seems perfect for your Vanguard combat style, Commander."_

"_Yes, I agree with you. I gain a very large amount of shields without losing my freedom of movement."_

"_And… If I am not out of line, the snug shape fits perfect on your body… Ma'am."_

_At his words, she feels her cheeks flushing out of control _'My body… He's staring at my body… Oh my God…' _but her thoughts are interrupted by his embarrassed coughs._

"_Moreover, the black and red tints remembers the N7 colors" he adds, like he's trying to smother his flirty behavior "And they suit your mahogany hair so well…" or maybe he's more than intending to make her blush?_

"_Ok Delan, I'll buy it!" she affirms in one sure swallow._

* * *

While the bittersweet memory fades from her mind, Shepard sets the panel to dye all her new armor with a deep burgundy color, mindful of both her beloved old Colossus one, and all her blood has been wasted with her death. Then, after a moment of indecision, she states that the red N7 strip should be remain like it is, the recollection of everything she was and probably she will never be again.

* * *

From that day, she always wore those tints, even when she was back in the Alliance, and even when she finally got back with the love of her life. They are a reminder of all she has been through: the good moments, the hard times, all the fights she won, the things she lost, her death, her rebirth…

Everything will be always colored by beautiful, intense, _reds_.


	8. Weapon of Choice

**8 / Weapon of Choice**

_Does Shep have a favorite weapon? A favorite method of killing?_

* * *

Kaidan puffs, staring at the holo-clock: 0350 am and Shepard isn't back to their loft yet.

"EDI, where's the Commander?" he questions the AI, a little bothered.

"She's in the Shuttle Bay, Major."

"And what is she doing there?"

"She seems to be busy with Lieutenant Vega, Major."

'_James? Why the hell is he still awake too?'_ he asks himself, as an hint of jealousy starts to burn in his chest. He abandons their warm bed, puts on a pair of trousers and a shirt, and goes straight to the elevator.

As soon as he arrives at the Shuttle Bay, he listens to Shepard and Vega's voices, but he can't figure out where they are.

"My God, James, this is so beautiful!" she exclaims.

"Told ya, Lola!"

"Oh it's so long, and hard, and strong..." her tone is very excited.

'_What the hell is happening here?'_ Kaidan thinks as he moves through the crates looking for them.

"I don't think it ever felt as good as it has been now..." she almost purrs.

"Indeed, Lola!"

"Shit, I have no idea why I wasted all this time with my old one, when you got THIS!"

"Neither do I. It's about time I'm telling you that, but you ignored me, Lola!"

"I'm sorry James. I think I'm a sentimental woman, we've been through a lot together. I can't drop my baby and just say _'Good bye, Lieutenant Vega is offering me something better!'_ you know... But God I want to do it so badly right now..."

'_WHAT?! What is she saying?! REALLY?!'_ Kaidan starts to be very worried, and he still can't find them _'That must be a joke. She can't... NO!'_

"Please James, let's do it again, please..."

"Huh I don't know, Lola. We probably shouldn't do it... What if someone surprises us? It is wrong..." despite of his words, Vega's voice sounds very pleased by Shepard's eagerness.

"Oh come on! Please please please..." she mewls, making Kaidan's heart skip a beat.

'_No no no, it can't be... What the hell!'_

"Ok Lola, just one more time then we'll go away, before someone..."

"Someone WHAT, Lieutenant?" Kaidan almost yells, as he finally faces them. They're hiding behind the second Shuttle at the end of the deck, and the terrible fear immediately abandons him as he notices the two standing in front of each other, fully dressed.

"Oh shit... Kaidan what are you doing here? You should be sleeping!" Shepard's expression is clearly guilty, and it seems she's holding something behind her back.

"What are YOU doing here! I've been waiting for you for hours!" he answer frowning, still annoyed and worried at the strange way she is acting.

"I… Errr…" she stammers uncomfortable.

"Come on Lola, we got caught. Wasting time trying to find some excuses would be worthless!" the muscular soldier gently pats her shoulder.

"Awww… Yeah, you're right James…" she sighs, moving finally her arms in front of her "I am sorry Kaidan. Don't get angry, please… I was just testing it…" a rounded blue weapon is shining in her hands.

"Wha… What?! All this anxiety just for a shotgun?" he cries out shocked.

"But it's a Geth Plasma Shotgun! Geth!" Shepard shakes it in front of his face "I know you're very skeptical towards anythingthat involves them!"

"Oh my God! Really Sharilin? Come on, after I met Legion, my opinion about the Geth got way less severe… And by the way, you're only talking about a weapon!"

"A damned good one! Look at the huge holes I made with it!" she points enthusiastically to some destroyed crates in front of them.

"Yeah… But… Did you hit the floor as well?" Kaidan asks.

"Shhhhhhhhhh!" she whispers "Don't say anything about that! If Joker finds out we damaged it…" she moves her right thumb horizontally in front of her throat, miming a knife slitting it. He holds back a chuckle, nodding.

"Oh God, I really want to use this shotgun from now on! But I feel bad for my baby Graal Spike!" she continues.

"Wait… Your baby… So all the speech about abandon your baby, that Vega offers you better… You were talking about your old weapon?"

"Of course! I always loved its essential shape and the way it can charge its shots… But the Geth Plasma is way better! I would lose a little of accuracy, but the amount of the damage I would do is too tempting! Imagine me, charging a fucking Marauder, releasing all my biotics with a Nova that stuns him and then aiming this precious baby between his eyes, breaking his skull into pieces!" her gorgeous blue eyes sparkle "But oh… Why are you so surprised? You know how much I am in love with shotguns!"

All of sudden James, who stayed still all the time while they were speaking, bursts into laughter "You know Lola, I think that your Prince Charming got deceived by your excited moans and your ambiguous remarks!"

"What do you mean James?" she questions her friend, while Kaidan's cheeks begin to blush wildly.

"Come on, Lola. All those 'It is so hard, long… I never felt so good… James you're so amazing…'!"

"I didn't say you're amazing!" she pouts "But… WHAT? REALLY? Kaidan! How could you think… OH MY GOD!"

"N-n-n-no… I-I-I…" he mumbles embarrassed, with no clue about how he could overcome this situation.

"Shit Kaidan, I would never cheat on you, damn it!"

"I know Sharilin, I swear to you I know! It was just…" but Shepard doesn't allow him to continue "AND WITH JAMES! Are you crazy?"

"Wait Lola, I am right here do you know? This could be offensive!" Vega intervenes, and the two of them start to quarrel, leaving to Kaidan some time to recompose himself.

Between lines like "I am too woman for you, baby boy" and "I know you like shotguns, but you definitely would love the assault rifle I have in my pants, mi chica" he finally manages to pick up Shepard, preventing any kind of opposition from her, hanging bent over his shoulder.

"Don't worry Lieutenant, we've got your point. You will always be the Commander's weapon brother. But leave the rest to me!" he blinks at Vega right before disappearing into the elevator with his giggling quarry.


	9. Casual Affair

**9 / Casual Affair**

_When not in armor or uniform, what does Shepard wear? What do they wear when partying?_

* * *

"Ok… This must be some kind of weird prank of Joker's!" Shepard states, peeved, in front of her open wardrobe.

"Jeff doesn't have the rights to access the Captain's Cabin, Shepard" EDI's voice corrects her.

"Oh come on! I can't believe that the N7s now supplies such obscene clothes!" she exclaims, exasperated, handling a grey leather short and close-fitting dress she had found.

This is the first time the Commander has the chance to check the situation of her apartment after the Alliance started to reconstruct the Normandy SR-2, during the 6 months she spent in Vancouver under arrest. The last few days have been very hard for everyone, especially for her: the Reapers' attack on Earth, then Mars, then Palaven… Now she finally has a couple of hours to relax before they dock back at the Citadel, so she decided to look for something nice to wear to go visit Kaidan at the hospital.

After what happened to him with Doctor Eva, he is now out of danger, but Shepard can't still free herself from the terrible fear of losing the love of her life forever. Even if he rejected her, even if they aren't together anymore, she can't stop loving him, and the thought that he almost died in front of her almost kills her too. So, when she received an email from him, telling he was fine and asking her to drop by his room at the Huerta when she'd be at the Citadel, some tears of relief escaped from her beautiful eyes.

"After all the incredible goals you achieved, Shepard" EDI explains "the N7s decided to enlist more women in their squad. So recently they chose to refresh also the style of all their uniforms, even creating something more casual: the dress for the females, and a pair of blue jeans and a grey leather jacket for the males."

"Wait… Are you saying that the men can wear stylish jackets while we are supposed to use… THIS?" she shakes the cloth infuriated.

"Yes."

"Are you kidding me, EDI?"

"Indeed" the AI answers.

"Wh… what?" Shepard is completely shocked, and when suddenly Joker's laughs erupt out of the comm-link, she jumps on her spot scared.

"I KNEW you would act exactly like that when you'd see that dress!" he wheezes amused "That's why I managed to convince the private who was arranging your dresser to put it in the front!"

"JOKER! You... you..." she barely manages to hold back her swears against the pilot.

"Come on Commander, it is just an innocent joke!"

"So, isn't it a real N7 dress?" she questions relieved.

"Yes it is. But if you take a look there's a lot of other clothes you can wear, Shepard," EDI reassures her.

And she was right: there is a bunch of nice tank tops, t-shirts, sweat pants and a hoodie, everything colored by the N7 colors "Thanks God!" she exclaims "They're very nice… I like them!"

While she decides what to wear, her attention is caught by something folded at the bottom of the dresser. It's a close-fitting suit, with dark thigh leggings, and a red and black dress with the N7 logo highlighted on both sleeves.

"Oh… I think I'm in love, Joker!" Shepard says staring at her own image reflected on the mirror: that clothes suits her curvy but toned body so damn perfectly!

"Good to know Commander. Though, I think you should really wear a skirt sometimes! You looked very good in Kasumi's dress, miss Gunn!" he teases her.

"You know what? Maybe you're right. When the war is over we'll celebrate, and I'll wear a fucking sexy dress, you'll see!" she giggles at the idea, figuring herself having a party with all her friends, draped into Kaidan's embrace.

'_Kaidan…'_ her stomach twists, remembering the messy situation there is now between the two of them, so that her fantasy will probably never become real.

"I'll count on it Shepard… And of course you'll bear all the expenses, right?"

"Joker, you're a real gentleman!" she sighs.

"I can't be either, with my worthless pilot salary! By the way, we're almost docked at the Citadel, Commander! You're going straight to the hospital, aren't you?"

"What…? Oh… Yeah, I am…" of course he knows where she's heading to, he understands her so well…

"Say hello to Kaidan from me! And… Shepard, whatever happens… I'll be hanging in the Presidium Commons… You know… If you'll need a fellow… You know… To drink and to forget… You know… I'll always be there for you."

Her heartbeats fastener because of the commotion. "I know. Thank you, Joker …" she swallows hard fighting her tears "But you're not going to convince me to wear that damned leather dress!"

"Damn it!" the Lieutenant shouts chuckling, shutting off the communication.


	10. Friends 4eva

**10 / Friends 4eva**

_Who is Shepard's best friend? Why?_

* * *

It's late in the night for the Normandy SR-2 crew, but two young woman who spending a bit of their well-deserved free time together in the Port Observation.

"Keelah! I hate you, Shepard!" Tali slams her empty glass on the counter of the bar in front of her.

"What?! Why?" the Commander questions her.

"Because you're an awful BFF!"

"I am...What?! BFF?!"

"Yes, Best Friend Forever!" the Quarian explains as she grabs another bottle of Turian Brandy. "You didn't know what that means? It is illustrated in that documentary I watched about human friendship and mating behavior!"

"Do you mean that old TV show, 'Sex and the City'?"

"DO-CU-MEN-TA-RY!" Tali matches every syllable with her index shacking in front of her face "BFFs are supposed to hangout all night long, chatting together and getting drunk..."

"Well, we have been chatting for hours, and you're DEFINITELY drunk..." Shepard pokes her.

"BUT YOU'RE NOT! I hate you and your damned biotic metabolism that burns everything like a reactor drive core!"

"Come on, Tali... I HAVE to be sober, or who else is going to carry you in your bed as soon as you fall asleep with the straw still hanging from your mask?"

"EMERGENCY-INDUCTION-PORT!"

"Oh yeah, sure!" she smirks. "The truth is that I know what it really means to be best friends!"

"Really?"

"Indeed I do!" the Commander smirks "A best friend is someone who watches silly old movies about your own species just to learn more about you."

Tali sighs. "So… She's also the one who stays there to listen to your drunken ramblings, even if your attempt to have a good evening together failed miserably."

"And she's the one who is always more concerned for your happiness than her own!" Shepard continues.

"She is the one who listens for hours, smiling, as you talk about your people, your lost home world... even about 'Fleet and flotilla'!" the Quarian giggles.

"She is the one who shares the same passion for shotguns, who could stay up for hours talking about them!" the Commander adds, while her friends nods, satisfied. "She is the one who's always at your side when you need her. She's the one who would follow you to the hell and back. She is the one who understands what you're thinking or feeling without even needing you to speak. She is the one who trusts in you, even if she doesn't agree with your choices."

A moment of silence comes after those words, then Tali continues along the same path. "She is the one who saves you from evil mercenaries who want to kill you. She is the one who trusts in you to mess with her super-technological ship without controlling you. She is the one who, even if she's always very busy, finds some time to come every day into a noisy Reactor room just to check if you are doing okay, if you aren't missing your flotilla too much. She is the one who made your life emptier when she died, so much that your heart bled for the loss."

The last line makes Shepard moan gloomily, so she takes a sip of her drink before she speaks again. "She is the one who will spend a whole night awake comforting you because the love of your life broke up with you. She is the one who will convince you to buy a lot of fish, and even a space hamster, to help you deal with your destroyed existence."

Tali gently pats her shoulder "She is the one who defends you from false pretenses and keeps you from being exiled by your own people. She is the one who helps you deal with your father's death. She is the one who makes you understand the reasons behind your enemies behavior, who even makes you befriend one of them. She is the one who helps you take back your home world, even if her own is also under attack."

"She is the one who leaves her retaken home world to help you fight for yours!" the other woman prompts.

"She is the one who invites you into several suicide missions in order to save the Galaxy."

"Tali, I don't think that's a good thing, though!"

"For me, it is!" she laughs "Come on, Shepard! Let's toast! To two awesome BFFs! Cheers!" she raises her glass towards her and after a moment she places it back on the counter, empty.

"A BFF is also the one who picks you up when you're drunk and drags you to bed, right?"

"Exactly!"

"Awwwww I lied! I don't hate you Shepard!" the Quarian exclaims, throwing her arms aroundher, hugging her tightly "I love you so much..." she mutters right before she falls asleep into her arms, overwhelmed by all the liquor she drank.

The woman chuckles, brushing the covered head of her friend lovingly. "I love you too, Tali."


	11. Undercover Lover

**11 / Undercover Lover**

_Who is Shepard's love interest? Why?_

* * *

"So it is decided: the new assignment of the SSV Normandy will be to hunt the Geth in the Terminus System!" Councilor Trevos declares, putting an end to the meeting.

Anderson shuts off the holo-station in his brand new office at the Citadel Presidium, turning to look at Commander Shepard and Ambassador Udina who are there with him.

"As I'm sure you noticed, the other Councilors still keep trying to avoid talking about the Reapers' threat. I am doing my best to change their minds, but it is very difficult."

"You're not decisive enough!" Udina states, the anger of not having been chosen in place of Anderson still consuming him.

"It's not your fault," the Commander reassures the new Councilor, ignoring the other complaining politician. "The fact is that this situation is much too frustrating! I mean... The Reapers are going to attack us very soon, and I have to waste my time looking for the Geth?! Really?!"

"Indeed, Shepard," Anderson sighs. "But our hands are tied by red tape at the moment. The best you can do now is follow the orders, especially after you mutinied to go chasing Saren on Ilos."

"Exactly, Commander. The Council and the Alliance did give you a second chance, don't waste it!" the Ambassador adds nastily.

Shepard, without even a glance at him, steps towards her old friend and stands at attention. "I'll follow your order as always, Councilor!"

"I know you will, I know. Is the crew of the Normandy ready?"

"They're all willing to start our new mission, Sir!"

"Even the aliens?" Udina asks. "Don't you think it's time to dismiss them now?"

"Not at all. Garrus Vakarian, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Wrex Urdnot and Liara Tsoni proved to be all precious allies, and as a Spectre I need them in my team."

"And what about Lieutenant Alenko?" Anderson's question makes the woman's heart skip a beat.

'_Kaidan…'_ all her body quivers imperceptibly thinking about him.

Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko… The man who, just a few hours earlier, was in the shower with her, his calloused hands gripping her rear holding her back firmly against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist… She still senses his addicting scent in her nostrils, as the sensitive skin of her neck is tingling yet where his full lips brushed it. The image of his beautiful olive skin glowing under the dim light of the bathroom while the hot spry was splashing over him is so vivid in her mind, like the thousands of small drops sliding down his toned muscles in time with the relentless movements of his hips bumping into hers, the pleasant feeling of his wet curly dark hair between her fingers, the warmth of the water she licked from his perfect face, the taste of his tongue tangled with hers…

"Shepard? Is everything ok?" the Councilor calls her back to reality.

"Yes Sir, I-I-I am sorry. What…?" she stammers blushing.

"Is it everything ok with the Lieutenant?"

Everything ok? No, not at all!

They're both Alliance soldiers, and he's serving directly under her command in her ship. What they did that morning was breaking at least one hundred of rules, like what they did all night long, and the day before, and the night before, and the weeks before… and even the night before their final battle against Saren!

Well, in THAT case they were somehow justified: they mutinied and chances were they wouldn't survive the next day! But now… if their relationship falls in public domain they would be court marshaled, their careers would be destroyed and Anderson would be disappointed with her…

Even though she's more than aware of all those things… she couldn't care less!

"Yes Sir, everything's ok with Lieutenant Alenko!" Even saying his name send chills down her spine, every letter coming out her mouth like a mantra.

Regs be damned! They both know very well that duty always comes first, and they'll never risk to compromise their mission because of personal issues, on the contrary they work so damn well as a team! They just want to be together!

She's never been so happy in her whole life, and it is all thanks to him. He's the most amazing man she ever met, so honest, sensitive and caring, but also very strong and brave. She admires his intelligence, his loyalty and his integrity, as much as she likes his kindness and his shy congeniality.

And God, he's so handsome and sexy… During their weeks of shore leaves, right after the Battle of the Citadel, she hasn't been able to keep her hands from him. And she was very glad that he showed the same hunger towards her.

They had spent splendid days together, making love on every surface of the little apartment they rent there, watching movies, eating a lot of different kind of take-out foods (but sometimes he even cooked for her!), chatting for hours about their past, their present and their future.

"So, do you want him to remain on the Normandy, Shepard?"

"Of course, Councilor. He's my right-hand man, I couldn't ever accomplish to my mission without him!" She would never stop describing how extraordinary he is.

"Good to know, Commander. Kaidan Alenko is a precious element for all the Navy." Unbelievably even Udina appreciates him.

"Indeed he is. He's also the most powerful and talented biotic I ever worked with!" she continues trying to contain her enthusiasm, like a teen-ager who's talking about her first love.

Yes, the feeling is exactly the same: butterflies flutter in her stomach every time she catches someone pronouncing his name, her heartbeats fastener when they praise him, her knees buckle under her craving to tell more about him, and more, and more…

Shepard had several men during her life, but she never fell for any of them. Now, despite the fact that she always have been very discreet and reserved about her private affairs, she has to fight so hard to not cry out that Kadain Alenko means EVERYTHING to her.

Because she's irreparably, completely, madly in love with him. And the most wonderful fact is that he feels exactly the same for her, as he confessed her a couple of days before, when they both surrendered admitting the strong sentiments they have towards each other.

So, even if their shore leaves are over, even if they're going to start their new mission against the Geth… No matter how many rules they're breaking and how many obstacles they'll have in front of them, they're in love, and it feels so good she can barely believe it.

"All right, Commander. Warn all your crew that they've to get ready, because tomorrow morning the SSV Normandy is going to leave for the new assignment!"

"Aye aye, Sir!"


	12. We Three

**12 / We Three**

_Who is in Shepard's favourite shore party? Or do they chop and change?_

* * *

The Shuttle Bay is oddly silence, with no one in there but James Vega, messing around at his deck. The Kodiak is out for a patrol mission, and as always he stays there, waiting for his team-mates to come back and tell him the news.

"Warning, Kodiak is docking in 10!" EDI warns him.

"Oh my God, I am so in LOVE with Chatika!" as long as the door of the shuttle opens, Shepard's excited voice floods outside it.

"Oh yes, my baby is the best!" Tali exclaims as she follows her friend out of the Kodiak.

"You are in love? Uhuhuh, watch out Major!" Vega teases the man who's coming out together with Cortez.

The Commander moves forward him "James! You have no idea what kind of show that little awesome combat drone just did! We were almost going to have a coffee while it was downing all the husks by itself!"

"Nothing's faster than Chatika vas Paus! YAY!" the Quarian jumps thrilled repeating her motto.

"Yeah… Wonderful…" Vega mutters, returning his attention to his desk, puffing out his breath.

"Hey, what's up man?"

"Nothing, Lola, nothing…"

"Come on, why are you pouting so much?"

"I'm not pouting!"

"Yes, you are!" Shepard pokes his left check "Talk to me, big boy!"

"Ooooh stop with that Lola! Oooooh stop! _Mierda_!" he yells, smacking her hand away from him, causing everyone to laugh.

Feeling mocked, James bursts out "You know what? I just hate you all!"

"But why? I'm just joking!"

"That's not my problem!" he blushes "In the beginning me and Scars were your men! We fought along your side all the time! And now… Since the Major here and Sparks joined us, I have to stay here, waiting for you to come back and telling all the awesome adventures you had without me!"

His vent leaves all them speechless for a while "Oh come on, this is not true! Kaidan wasn't with me during the final fight on Rannoch, I was with Garrus and Tali!" Shepard tries to justify herself.

"Just because, as your second-in-command in the ship, he had to coordinate the attack from the space and to deal with the Quarian fleet! But I get that Alenko is your Prince Charming so you need him at your side, but at least you pick Scars in place of Sparks as well… It's just never me!"

"Again with that 'Prince Charming' thing…" the Majors sighs. "You were with me and the Commander when we went on Rannoch to rescue Admiral Koris!"

"Yeah, and I downed thousands of Geth all alone! Get on this, Cha-somethin'!" he shakes his fist towards Tali.

"Don't be offended, you know I love your combat style!" Shepard chuckles "Yeah, I always choose Kaidan because, as you said, he's my second-in-command, and our biotics work so well together… It has always been like this, since the Normandy SR-1… we're unstoppable!" she smiles to her lover. "During our Cerberus journey I worked a lot with Miranda, but as much as her biotics were impressive, it was never as good as it is with him. And I swear, it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I am in love with him!"

"Yeah, sure Lola! Let's pretend I didn't notice how much time you spend staring at his glowing ass during a fight!"

"Oh come on, how am I supposed to not do that! It is so firm and perfect and… Oh wait! No! I mean…" she coughs embarrassed, causing Vega and Tali grinning at the poor Alenko who's completely flushed.

"But this is not the point!" the Commander comes back to the main topic "I just make my decision according to what is necessary for a mission, and it was always like that. I choose Garrus when I need someone watching my back from the distance, and all we know that no one can beat his sniper rifles! When I take Tali with me is because she's our super-tech expert. I recall that time on Rannoch I asked you to take care of the AA Gun Control…"

"He ended smashing the control hoping to pull out some wires!" Kaidan explains to the Quarian amused.

"_Cabròn_, tech isn't my specialty! I am a man of action, not a geek like you!"

"I bet this geek can kick your ass whenever he wants!" Alenko provokes him.

"Yeah, dream about that, Charming!" he steps towards him.

"Shut up you two!" Shepard intervenes "Ok James, I am sorry you felt ignored. Our next mission will be on the planetary system nearby, and I am sure there will be plenty of Cerberus lackeys waiting for you to crush them!"

"Perfect! I bet there will be also the Major, am I wrong? So let's count up how many enemies each of us will defeat, to see who's the real warrior in there!" Vega holds out his hand towards him.

"Ok! Challenge accepted!" Kaidan shakes it.

"Pfff, men!" the Commander whispers to her friend Tali, as they steps into the elevator, leaving the two soldier arguing.


	13. Land Amongst the Stars

**13 / Land Amongst the Stars**

_What's Shepard's favourite galactic location? Why?_

* * *

Kasumi Goto is sitting peacefully on her bed in the Port Observation of the Normandy SR-2, reading her favorite old book, the last one Keiji gave her.

The door opens, and immediately a grin appears beneath her black hood, because she knows exactly who's arriving. She started her trip aboard this ship just a few days ago, but she already discovered that Commander Shepard spends part of the evening in there to have some drinks. Apparently she seems to enjoy the company of the Japanese girl, probably because she's the only one NOT Cerberus in there, except for their new acquisition, Mordin Solus.

"Hello Shepard!" she greets, jumping to her feet.

"Good evening to you!"

They both head to the bar, where the nimble Kasumi grabs a bottle of her favorite sake and she serves it in two glasses "So how was your day, Shep?"

"Very long… I'm trying to not go mad at the odd way our new Salarian scientist speaks! What about you?"

"I haven't had the pleasure of speaking with Mordin yet… I'm just staying in here, getting bored with no plans to design, no loot to steal…"

The Commander chuckles "I'm sorry, I didn't imagine thief's life could be boring!"

"Yeah, most of the time it's not, but it happens! But tell me about our next task. Where are we heading to?"

At her question, Shepard frowns and responds, "We're going to the Citadel."

"Oh, you don't like to go there, do you?"

"Yeah, I don't…" she shakes her head.

"I see, it's very messy and crowded, isn't it?"

"No, it's not that I don't like the Citadel… On the contrary…" the Commander sighs. "The problem is that I love it way too much."

Hidden under her hood, Kasumi rises an eyebrow surprised by her affirmation, but she doesn't say anything, waiting for her to go on with her explanation.

"I've got a lot of happy memories linked to that place. It was there where I became a Spectre... it was where I was officially promoted to captain of the Normandy SR-1... It was there where I defeated the most dangerous enemy I've confronted so far..."

"Indeed. You're an extraordinary soldier, Shepard. Though.. that's all?" she asks curious, aware that there should be more than only recollections of her military career.

The woman swallows a sip of her drink "No, it's not..."

To urge her talking, the thief pours another dose of sake in the Commander's glass, making her chuckle "You know what, Kasumi? If you really want me to tell you everything, you definitely will have to fill it up more than once!"

"This bottle is entirely yours, Shepard!"

"Good to know!" she winks "Well... It was in the Citadel where I was lucky enough to meet some of the most amazing people that I ever met in my whole life and that I had the honor to call 'friends'..."

"Who were they?"

"Garrus Vakarian, an ex C-SEC officer Turian, and Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, a young Quarian who was doing her pilgrimage. Their help and their support were decisive for our mission against Saren... Oh wait! I almost forgot Urdont Wrex, our badass Krogan mercenary!"

"Ouch, Krogan!" Kasumi chokes "I never had the... 'pleasure' of finding a Krogan able to speak! I mean, they're all so... rude!"

"Eheh, but Wrex was pretty cool indeed!" Shepard reassures her, right before her face turns to be gloomy "Yeah, the old good times..."

Kasumi, noticing her sad expression, tries to come back to the main argument, hoping to help her feel better "What is your favorite place in the Citadel?"

"Lower wards," she answers, without even think about it.

"Oh, I heard that place suffered heavy damages because of the big battle... Why do you like it?"

The Commander tosses off all her sake "Because there, for the first time, he showed interest towards me..."

"He...?"

"Yes, he," she nods "The love of my life."

"Well, well, well! This is interesting!" Kasumi claps her hands excited "I didn't know you were engaged, Shepard!"

"Yeah... I mean... No... I-I don't know it anymore..." she stammers.

"Oh, why?"

"Because my fucking ship has been destroyed and I fucking died!" she yells slamming her hand on the counter of the bar. "And now, no matter what I do, I can't find out where he is! I can't even tell him I am alive!"

Astonished by reaction, the thief stays still on her stool. "God, I am so sorry Shep..."

"No... I am... I am the one who has to apologize..." she says as soon as she has back a hold on herself "I shouldn't have to react like that, I am sorry... It's just... God... That's why I hate going to the Citadel. It reminds me of what I had and what I lost because of my death... I rememberall the time I spent there with him, the awesome weeks of shore leaves we stayed together in that little apartment we rented in the Presidium. Those were the most beautiful days of my whole life. And now? It is all gone!"

"Shepard, you don't have to justify yourself. I can't even imagine how you felt coming back to life after two years, it must have been awful..."

"Yeah, two years... And the worst thing is that, for me... It's like just a few days has passed! Just a few days since the last time I saw him, I hugged him, I kissed him... I don't even know how he is, if... if he moved on with his own life... without m..." her voice crackles under the weight of her pain.

The Commander brings her hands to cover her face "So-sorry, I-I should go now." and she leaves the room hastily.

Kasumi sighs, staring at the closed door: Shepard is clearly a reserved person, who doesn't like to talk about herself, to open up with anyone else. And this is a pity, because the Asian woman knows exactly how she's being through right now. Since the day her partner Keiji died, she was not able to go back to the loft they shared in Tokyo, even if that city is the place she loves most than everything.

"At least, your lover is still alive, Shep..." she mutters as she returns to seat on her bed.


	14. Man's Best Friend

**14 / Man's Best Friend**

_Does Shepard have any pets? Why/why not?_

* * *

"No Tali, seriously? Fish?" Shepard bursts out as she steps into the shop with her friend "Why fish?!"

"Because you have fish tanks in your new cabin, and fish tanks are made to contain fish!" she explains very earnestly.

"But I really don't care about those damned tanks, as much as I don't care about anything Cerberus is giving to me!"

"You will. We just have to buy the fish! They could be a nice company!" the Quarian goes near the console to browse all the goods for sale.

"Actually, Tali, you should really stop reading that eBook!"

"Come on! It tells the truth! But... Wait! How do you know that? I mean... Which eBook?" she asks, embarrassed because she got caught.

"My friend, we live on a ship with an AI that knows everything and that is way too detailed in her answers... When I asked her where you were, she told me.." the Commander tries to imitate EDI's voice " 'Tali'Zorah is sitting at the table number 3 in the mess at the Crew's Deck, she just finished her dextro energy drink and now she's reading very concentrated on her omni-tool the eBook -How to help your human friend to deal with a break up-' !"

"That Cerberus AI Bosh'tet!" she curses "Anyway that guide is really useful! Unfortunately I can't follow every single instruction I found in there, like chasing Kaidan to kick his biotic ass but..."

Hearing that name, Shepard flinches, her eyebrows painfully tensing. Their meeting on Horizon was just one week earlier, the wound it caused still aches too much... she doesn't know if it will ever stop hurting.

"Oh Keelah, I shouldn't have said his name! I read that chapter thousand times! Damn it! I am sorry, Shepard!"

The woman swallows the lump in her throat "It's ok Tali, don't worry..." and she takes a deep breath "So... fishes?"

The Quarian nods, the guilt still heavy on her "What do you think about these ones?"

"You know what? I trust you, choose whatever you want!" she affirms as her eyes wander mind-absently over the monitor.

Suddenly a faint sound, something like a muffled squeak, captures her attention. Taking advantage of Tali's distraction, she starts slowly to look all around her, searching its source. After a while she notices a medium glass case on a empty shelf at her left that contains only a very small wooden house.

As soon as she approaches it, she hears that sound again – yes it's definitely a squeak. Curious she taps lightly on the box, and immediately a tiny ball of brown fur appears, its dark eyes staring at her.

"Oh... Hi little guy!" Shepard greets the animal "What are you?"

"It's a space hamster." the vendor explains "It's the only one left in there at the moment."

"Awww... So you're all alone?" she murmurs tapping lightly against the cage "We are alike..."

The pet stands on its hind legs, glancing intrigued towards her finger through its vibrant whiskers. When she stops, pressing her finger against the glass, the fluffy creature imitates her with its two short paws, leaning them in front of her index.

The cuteness of its simple gesture bores through Shepard's broken heart, as the hamster really could comprehend her pain, and that it would be there for her if she'd want to.

"I'll buy it!"

* * *

Since that moment, every day Shepard spent some time playing with her new tiny friend. She named him Flash – seeing that he moves so damn fast, her first idea was to call him FTL, Faster Than Light, but it sounded a little complicated.

She used to free him from his cage on her desk while she was working on her reports or on her coffee table while she was just enjoying a drink seated on the couch.

The hamster was her company during all those endless nights she spent alone in her cabin during her Cerberus trip. Every time she woke up screaming because of her nightmares – about her death, about the Reapers, about the Collectors, about Horizon – she always rushed towards the shelter where Flash's house was, and he was there, waiting for her with his ruffled fluffy face pointing to her direction.

Sadly, when she has been arrested on Earth, she didn't have the time to take him with her, and while the Alliance started the works of reorganization of the ship, one of the privates broke his glass case by mistake. So the tiny pet escaped from the scraps and got lost in the endless system of pipes of the Normandy SR-2. The Commander doesn't know how he managed to survive for 6 months all alone, but as she finally found him in the Engineer deck, he seemed to be more than happy to come back to his old life in a brand new little house.

Well, it is not actually the same old life... There's a new resident in the Captain's cabin, and Flash now has to fight with him to gain Shepard's attentions! But seeing that she's more than glad to appease both of them, somehow they found a sort of compromise: the hamster keeps watching after her while she does her paperwork, while the dark haired man takes care of her during the night, cuddling her if she has nightmares – which are now thankfully infrequent.


	15. In Something We Trust

_**Thanks so much for the reviews, I am sorry I'm taking so much time to finish this, but I will and I really really appreciate knowing what you think about my work! Please, I need more! :D**_

_**Just a little note, I decided to use in this drabble the extended dialogue with Anderson that has been eliminated from the game because I think it is so heartbreaking, I'll never understand why Bioware didn't use this! I hope you enjoyed it! :)**_

* * *

**15 / In Something We Trust**

_Is Shepard religious? Do they have any key beliefs or moral motifs that guide them?_

* * *

"Commander."

"We did it, sir."

"Yes. We did. We both did."

Shepard and Anderson are sitting on the floor of that unknown place in the Citadel, the Illusive Man's dead body near them, and their beloved Earth in front of their eyes.

"It's quite a view…" the Admiral asserts with a dreamy smile.

As she opens her mouth to reply, the woman's body quivers because her wounds, "Best seats in the house…" she manages to say, trying to ignore the pain.

"God…" he sighs. "Feels like years since I just sat down."

She grins to him "I think you earned a rest."

They stay silence for a while… an awkward silence, given that all the space around them is scattered by shots, fires and explosions.

Still staring at his homeland, the old man questions his younger friend. "You ever wonder how things would have been different? How our lives would be different if this hadn't happened?" He pauses, his mind now lost into his reminiscences "I never had a family, Shepard… Never had children…"

His gloomy tone makes her heart sting. "There'll be time enough for that now."

"I…" Anderson gives an agonizing laugh. "I think that ship has sailed. What about you? Ever think about settling down?"

"Settling down?" she repeats surprised, and immediately she remembers Kaidan's word.

"_Sharilin, don't you still understand that I want to stay with you for the rest of my life? When the war will be over, I will want to have a family with you, my love…"_

Having a family…

With Kaidan…

A bunch of biotic babies… with dark curls, caramel colored eyes and a dimple on the chin…

Yes, she could DEFINITELY get used to this idea.

"Yeah… I like the sound of that! Not sure I'd be much good at it, though…"

"Sure you would!" the Admiral reassures her "I think you'd make a great mother!"

She giggles "Huh!"

"Think how proud your kids would be, telling everyone their… their mom is 'Commander Shepard'!"

"I don't know about that…" she puffs. "Not everything I've done is… something to be proud of…"

The man turns to glance at her serious "What do you fight for, Shepard? Which beliefs guided you through all of this?"

"Beliefs…?" his question amazes her.

Does she have any?

During her life she met a lot of races, like the Hanar – even the Geth heretics – that worshipped one or several divinities, and often she tried to know and understand their reasons, but she never found anything in common with them.

Then there were Ashley Williams and Thane Krios. They both did have an abiding faith, that helped them to carry on during their lives, and to face death in peace.

* * *

_Ashley takes a deep breath "Dad passed on a few years back. He's probably still watching, though."_

_Shepard couldn't help herself. "He's not a zombie, is he?"_

_The Chief sniggers. "You know. From heaven. Whatever that is… That's not a problem with you, is it? That I believe in God?"_

"_Your beliefs are your business. I'm your commanding officer, not your moral compass," she answers straightforwardly. "Everyone has the right to believe what they want. Says so in the Alliance charter. Only with fancier words."_

"_I appreciate that, Commander. I've met a few people who were really weirded out by my faith. Because I work in space, I can't believe in a higher power? Geez… Hello? Have you people looked out the window? How can you look at this galaxy and not believe in something?"_

* * *

_Shepard has just stepped in the Life Support room to investigate about her newest recruit. "I didn't know that Drell had many gods."_

"_It's one of our older beliefs." Thane responds calm "Many embrace the Hanar enkindlers, now. Or the Asari philosophies. The old ways are dying. There's so many ways to interpret one's place in the universe. Who needs the wisdom of our ancestors? The younger generations don't believe they can help us fathom genetic engineering, orbital strikes, or alien races."_

"_When you 'pray for the wicked', who exactly are you praying to?" the Commander keeps interrogating him._

"_That depends on the circumstance. To find my target, I speak with Amonkira, Lord of Hunters. When I act to defend another… Arashu, Goddess of Motherhood and Protection. And when I have taken my target, I speak with Kalahira, Goddess of Oceans and the Afterlife."_

_The assassin explains her everything so patiently, but she can't hide her skepticism "Oceans and afterlife don't seem to have much in common."_

"_Consider. The ocean is full of life. Yet it is not life as you and I know it. To survive there, we must release our hold on land. Accept new way to live. So it is with the death. The soul must accept its departure from the body. If it can't, it will be lost."_

* * *

Shepard always respected their creeds, but they all seemed so far away from her, who always been a pragmatic woman, concentrated on the present. Since what happened to her family on Mindoir, especially after she got separated from her friend John, she lived a life with no purpose other becoming the best soldier of the Alliance, counting only on her strength and her abilities.

Then she stepped in the Normandy SR-1, and her life totally changed. She found the most dangerous enemies of all the galaxy she had to defeat, but she also found friends, she found love.

Her friends and her lover… they are her family now. And for them she fights like hell, to protect them and their homes.

Yes, _'love'_ is the belief who guides her.

"I fight to protect love. Love is the strongest power that exists. The love we have for our families, for our friends, for our partners. This is what really matters to me." Shepard finally answers, with no hesitation "I fight for freedom. Mine, and everyone's. I fight for the right to choose our own fate. And I choose to follow my heart, who tells me there are too much things, too much people that worth to live for."

Anderson chuckles "Kaidan is a lucky man… He better keep up with this!"

"He does…" she reassures him.

An affectionate smile appears on his face "I'm proud of you… You did good, child… You did good."

Her throat burns, and not only for her injuries "Thank you, sir…" she swallows back her tears just in time to notice that the Admiral is closing his eyes exhausted.

"Anderson? Stay with me, please. We're almost through this!" but she hears no reply from him.

"Anderson…"


	16. Fire and Ice

**16 / Fire and Ice**

_Paragon or Renegade? Why?_

* * *

"Perimeter cleared, Commander!" Kaidan affirms in the comm-link.

"Same here!" Tali follows him.

"Good work, team! Let's pick this damned artifact and finally get the hell out of this damned Cerberus lab!" Shepard points the console, and the Quarian is already working on disabling the protective field while the Major keeps patrolling the zone.

Suddenly he notices a movement nearby "Watch out! A hostile surviv…" but he doesn't have time to finish his line. The air around him is invaded by the scent of burning eezo and he knows what is happening: he turns just in time to see the Commander's blue aura shining bright, before she dissolves into a flash of biotic power across the room. When she appears again, her target is knocked out by the collision, and the remnants of her biotics are not faded yet, though she's already flaring again. With a hoarse shout she jumps, overloading her barriers and concentrating all the power in her fist, then she punches the floor, causing a powerful biotic explosion that hits the victim hard.

Kaidan would never be able to get used at her new abilities. She charges the enemies like an unstoppable typhoon, detonating her Nova Blast like a real Goddess of War. As a biotic himself he met thousand of Vanguards that loved to employ their powers in close combats… but no one… NO ONE uses them like she does.

Every time he sees her, a lot of contrasting emotions emerge in him: he admires her, he AWES her, and he has to admit that all her fluent moves are as much deadly as they are graceful and… damn arousing! But at the same time, there's something in her attitude, something in the mischievous smirk has on her face one second before she starts to charge, something in the satisfied groan she does when she release her Nova… something that somehow frightens him.

"Huh…" Shepard sneers staring to the Cerberus Trooper who's hardly standing back on his feet. Her hand goes to the small of her back, grabbing her beloved shotgun. "Goodbye, you fucking bastard!" she yells as her weapon fires just in front of his head.

"Damn…" Kaidan curses, and his whisper was not so low because Tali, who's now standing near him with seizing the artifact, bursts into laughter "No matter how many times you see her, you never get used to it, do you?"

"Hell yeah!"

"She's a real force of nature!" the Quarian says delighted.

"Indeed… But… I don't know…" he stammers, still looking at the Commander who's wiping the blood of her last victim away from her armor with an annoyed expression "Shit, that's disgusting!"

"Well… Back in time, when we were chasing Saren… I remember her being more… 'Paragon style' you know…" he finally admits "She always had a quick temper, but I don't recall her enjoying that much killing people and cursing all the time!"

"Yes, I get what you mean. I noticed it during our Cerberus journey. She didn't care about being polite anymore, and more than once she lost control way easier and I saw her doing and saying things that really shocked me… Even if she always resisted to the impulse to hit that journalist Bosh'tet in the face!" Tali chuckles "And yes, she's definitely merciless with our enemies."

Kaidan nods silence as she carries on talking "But… Honestly, can we really blame her for that? Who knows what it feels like dying and then being brought back to life, finding out that everything and everyone you believed in abandoned you? What it feels like knowing that someone you used to fight and hate like Cerberus messed with your body for two year doing who the hell knows what with your implants, and being forced to work with them because no one else wants to listen to you? What it feels like keep struggling against a terrible enemy that threats all the galaxy that already killed you once, and no one believe in you and appreciates what you do?"

Listening to her words, Alenko once again is overwhelmed by the guilt of being one of the people who turned his back to Shepard when she was back from the death. Even if now they resolved and got pass to everything that happened, he could never forgive himself for that.

"Nice! We've got the artifact!" the Commander's voice calls him back to reality "Come on, let's head to the shuttle. Beware, there are a bunch of Centurions outside the door!" and then she's already disappeared.

"You know Kaidan, I think she's pretty justified to act a little like a renegade, especially with Cerberus Troopers!" Tali adds while she's recharging her shotgun "Besides, since she's back in the Alliance she relaxed a little, growing more diplomatic again. And anyway, when it comes with important issues she didn't change, she always makes the right decision! She always will be a paragon hero for that!"

"A paragon hero who punched a Quarian Admiral in the stomach!" he teases her as he boosts his barrier up.

"Oh yes! That was… amazing!" she laughs "Ok then, shall we say a… Renegade paragon hero? No wait, a PARAGADE!"

"Hey people? Are you there?" Shepard's call floods out of their comm-links "What about you following me? Maybe killing some bad guys?"

"Aye-aye, Commander!" Kaidan replies.

Yeah, Tali is right: his Sharilin is a hero, no matter how polite or spit-fire she is. And God knows how much he loves her, being a paragon, a renegade, a 'paragade' or whatever!

As they both step out of the door, again the sight of her charging and exploding in front of them bewitches and turns him on.

Damn it, they must hurry, he needs to get her straight to their cabin as soon as possible!


	17. Among Ancestors

**17 / Among Ancestors**

_What is Shepard's racial ancestry? Do they feel closely linked with their cultural identity?_

* * *

Piles of rubble and corpses, and muffled sounds of explosion all around: this is all that remains of what was once the glorious city of London.

The small outpost the Alliance managed to maintain near the heart of the battle is now full of allies who are getting ready for the final rush, checking weapons, studying assets, giving inspirational speeches…

The air is thick and oppressive, both with the smell of death and the fear that they are doomed.

In this apocalyptic scenery, two lovers are trying to find the heart to say the last farewell.

"Comrade in arms. We know the score. We know this is goodbye."

Kaidan's bittersweet words are hanging over Shepard's head. Until now she was so damn optimistic about their chances, about the fact that they would win, they would survive and they would live the rest of their lives together. Now, seeing all the pain and the destruction in there, it's hard to not get demoralized.

But she knows she has to be strong for everybody who is counting on her, and for him. The bond between the two of them is so intense that they just can't be separated, not anymore. That's why, no matter how many times they already said goodbye to each other, turning her back and walking away from him is the most difficult action she has ever done.

As soon as she tries, he stops her and takes her into his arms.

Trembling hands, shuddering breaths, quivering lips, gloomy sighs.

He kisses her with all the love he has in his heart, he kisses her desperately like there would be no tomorrow, he kisses her without even care about who's staring at them, he kisses her unable to pull out from her.

"I can't lose you again…" He whispers fighting back his tears, and it sounds like a plea against her soft mouth, along her mahogany hair, over her pale skin, right to her kind heart.

But the war is still there, and they are soldiers. They can't ignore that. So, finally, Kaidan let her go "Well, I should find the rest of my squad."

"Yeah." Shepard breathes, her eyes still on his handsome face as she makes her first painful step towards her next destination.

"You know…" one more time he avoids her retreat with his voice. _'No, I can't… I can't let her go'_

"I've never been to London."

"You haven't?" her tone sounds way more relieved than it should, as thirsty as him of other stolen seconds to be together "Neither have I. But I was going to… a long time ago… a lifetime ago."

"Oh… really?"

The red-headed woman inhales deeply "My… my father bought my whole family a Shuttle trip here. He wanted to show us his homeland, Ireland, but our first stage would be there, to visit this 'important piece of history' – as he kept repeating to us. But there was no time, they all died two weeks before our holidays…"

Kaidan is shocked: he is completely aware of how much Shepard feels uncomfortable talking about her parents, their loss is still a open wound in her heart. _'This is the very first time she speaks by her own will…'_

"Papa was so proud of his racial ancestry!" she smiles lovingly, her sight lost in the endless foggy sky "Do you know who the Celts were?"

He simply nods, fearing that any words could interrupt her telling.

"The Shepard family descends from that fierce people, as you can notice…" she runs her fingers through her mahogany hair, an evident heritage of her Irish origins.

"As I already told you, I wasn't an… exemplar daughter! But I really loved my parents…" the sadness in her eyes is so heartbreaking that Kaidan almost cries again. _'I need to hug her…'_

"And with my father… we had a special relationship. He was a romantic and dreamy man, with emerald green eyes and freckles all over his face that I wished to have inherited. He narrated to me enthusiastic thousands of amazing tales about Irish mythology and legends. My favorite was the one about my name…"

"Your name?"

"Yes! I always felt so honored for it, and tried to do my best to live up to it. But… I am sorry, I can't tell you that story. It's a secret only for mighty Celtic people like me!" she blinks to him smirking.

"Oh really?" he chuckles. _'Please, never stop smiling to me…'_

"So, when the war will be over, would you like to accompany me to visit Ireland and give me the honor to tell me your secret there, my honorable Celtic lady?"

"Mmmh… Yes, I think I could…" she nods "But don't forget that you already promised me to take me to the beach!"

"Of course I don't!" he asserts _'I could never ever forget that…'_

They stare to each other, in a pregnant silence full of promises, hopes and fears, until a new explosion stirs them from their adoring state. Shepard shakes her head "Thankfully papa can't see how destroyed London is… all the planet is… Or at least I hope he doesn't, wherever he is now…"

'_Wherever he is… She isn't thinking about the possibility to get reunited to him today, is she? Oh God…'_

"Hey…" he swallows the lump in his throat "Don't worry, we will rebuild it. We will win this war and rebuild everything."

Shepard gives him one last grin, then finally turns her back to him and hastily walks away.

'_Your father… Your family… Your ancestors… All the Celtic people… They will have to wait. You can't join them yet, Sharilin. Because I need you. I can't lose you again._


End file.
